22 May 2009 – swine flu and forty days of grapes

I may have to cut grapes in half

I may have to cut grapes in half

Mac has been insufferable today. The first case of swine flu has been reported in Southampton and he’s convinced he’s got it. He sneezed, once, and of course that was positive proof. The fact that he’s constipated is also a swine flu symptom as far as he’s concerned. Never mind that we’ve both been like that all week because of the bloody Atkins diet. He keeps making me go over to his desk to feel his forehead because he’s positive he has a temperature and he’s popping head ache pills like they’re smarties. Even the news that a card shop chain in the city has gone into administration giving us lots of possible new business didn’t pique his interest. I told him we should contact their head office and offer our services to help their staff with finding new jobs but he just said it was probably a hotbed of germs and, if he didn’t have swine flu already, he’d probably catch it there. Honestly, he can be a real pain in the bum at times. I went for a trot around Sainsburys this afternoon to get a few supplies in ready for the bank holiday weekend. I bought myself a bag of grapes, two hundred grams, that’s forty days worth, if I don’t eat any extra veg. I think they may have gone off by then. It’s only a tiny bag too. I’m a bit worried that I may have to cut a grape in half for my fruit fix at this rate. Then I had to walk down the bread aisle. It smelt so good, I was almost dribbling. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up.

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