11 June 2009 – emotional eating and back in the twelves

Oh dear!

Oh dear!

I’ve been doing a bit of emotional eating since I got the reply from the driving instructor. It’s not big and it’s not clever and it’s certainly not doing me much good on the scales. When I weighed in on Monday I was back to twelve stone. Two pounds back on in one week. The problem is, now I’ve gone back to eating carbs I just can’t resist the lure of the bread and the potatoes and all the things I deprived myself of last month. I haven’t been too out of control but, when I stopped the Atkins, I promised myself I was going to eat sensibly. I didn’t. I have my morning muesli then a sandwich for lunch and a sensible dinner with potatoes or rice or pasta but none of it seems to fill me up. An hour after I’ve eaten I’m hungry again and before I know it I’m eating a bag of crisps or a chocolate biscuit. It could be worse I suppose, it could be a family sized bag of crisps or a whole packet of biscuits but it’s enough to get the weight climbing again. I have to find a way to break this cycle.

Mac is having the same issues. He’s put on four pounds. He lost faster than I did and now it looks like he’s going to gain it back faster than me. He was in panic mode again today, and not just because of the weight gain. On the news this morning they’ve announced that the swine flu is now officially a pandemic and, yet again, he’s convinced he’s going to get it. He’s back to the disinfectant gel stuff and more or less wetting himself every time someone sniffs or sneezes. Alfie popped into the office today, she had a streaming cold. Mac made an excuse to go out, he said he had a meeting in town but I keep his diary and I know he was lying. I’m pretty sure he just hid round the corner until he saw her leave.

I haven’t seen Alfie for a while and it was great to see her. She’s lost loads of weight, she’s a size twelve now. I was sick with jealousy but then again, knowing how she lost it, it all seems a bit false, like cheating. I admit there is a small part of me that’s tempted by the lure of something that gives such good results on the scales. I can’t believe I’d even think like that because she’s paid a price for it. She told me she’s finding it hard to sleep and even harder to get up in the morning. She’s had three different jobs since we got made redundant and lost them all because she keeps being late or not turning up. It’s not something employers are overly impressed by on the whole.

She’s just found out she’s pregnant. I’m pleased for her but a bit worried too. At the risk of getting my head bitten off I asked her if she was still taking drugs. She swore she stopped as soon as she found out she was pregnant but I’m not sure if I believe her. I hope she was telling the truth though.

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