19 June 2009 – reversing and mindless eating

Mindlessly eating cake

Mindlessly eating cake

I couldn’t concentrate this morning at work, all I could think about was my driving lesson this afternoon. Max went next door and got a Chelsea bun and I’d eaten half of it before I even realised what I was doing. At this rate I’m going to be back in the size twenties before Christmas. Continue reading

Advertisements

17 June 2009 – first driving lesson followed by chocolate

Behind the wheel and terrified

Behind the wheel and terrified

Today I had my first ever driving lesson. I was so nervous I almost phone and cancelled. My legs were actually shaking when I walked out to the car. We drove to a car park down by the shore and then, after a little chat about what did what, it was time to change seats. I was totally terrified when I sat behind the wheel but the process of adjusting the seat and mirrors did take my mind off it a little. It was a beautiful sunny day and all I could think was that I’d rather be sitting in my garden than in a little black Corsa in a car park. Continue reading

11 June 2009 – emotional eating and back in the twelves

Oh dear!

Oh dear!

I’ve been doing a bit of emotional eating since I got the reply from the driving instructor. It’s not big and it’s not clever and it’s certainly not doing me much good on the scales. When I weighed in on Monday I was back to twelve stone. Two pounds back on in one week. The problem is, now I’ve gone back to eating carbs I just can’t resist the lure of the bread and the potatoes and all the things I deprived myself of last month. I haven’t been too out of control but, when I stopped the Atkins, I promised myself I was going to eat sensibly. I didn’t. I have my morning muesli then a sandwich for lunch and a sensible dinner with potatoes or rice or pasta but none of it seems to fill me up. An hour after I’ve eaten I’m hungry again and before I know it I’m eating a bag of crisps or a chocolate biscuit. It could be worse I suppose, it could be a family sized bag of crisps or a whole packet of biscuits but it’s enough to get the weight climbing again. I have to find a way to break this cycle. Continue reading

2 June 2009 – morbid fear of driving

What have I done?

What have I done?

The Driving instructor, Mike, emailed me back. I felt quite sick when I saw he’d replied. I’ve got my first lesson the Wednesday after next, he couldn’t fit me in before. I suppose it gives me more time before I have to actually get in a car and try to drive it which is a good thing, it also gives me loads of time to brood on it. Commando was over the moon when I told him. I knew he would be but it just makes me more scared. What if I can’t do it? He’s never said anything before but he really wants me to be able to drive. I can see it would take the pressure off him, especially as I don’t really drink, it would mean I could drive when we go out and he could have a drink. It makes perfect sense but that doesn’t make me any less afraid. A car is a dangerous weapon and I’m not all that sure I should be trusted with it. Continue reading

1 June 2009 – a fond farewell to Atkins

Hot,, bothered and emailing a driving instructor

Hot, bothered and emailing a driving instructor

It was boiling today. I know I shouldn’t complaint but, when you’re overweight hot weather is hell. I’d love to be able to wear cool little strappy tops or short sleeves and short skirts but I daren’t inflict my flab on the general public. It has to be long sleeves and trousers all the way when you’re big and it gets so hot. I feel like I’ve permanently got a beetroot face covered with a film of sweat. It hardly seems worth putting on make up because it slides off in a few minutes and I’m constantly popping off to the loo to spray myself with deodorant. I’m paranoid I’m going to smell. Continue reading