19 October 2009 – going in the wrong direction

Chocolate binge

Weight gain after Wednesday’s chocolate binge

This morning’s weigh in wasn’t really a surprise what with the lack of exercise and the chocolate binge on Wednesday when the service and maintenance/target contract bombshell was dropped. Another pound on, eleven stone eight. This is not good, at this rate I’ll be back in the twelves before I finish this blasted training.

To be honest it makes me feel a little desperate. So much hard work to get the weight off and now it’s piling back on again. All the new clothes I bought for work are already beginning to feel tight. Part of me is ashamed that I can’t seem to stop it, part of me is terrified of going right back to where I was in January. So many times in the past I’ve lost weight only to put it all back on again plus a bit more. I don’t think I could bear it if that happened again but somehow I can’t seem to stop myself eating rubbish or motivate myself to exercise.

Even though the gain didn’t come as a surprise, I was hoping for a miracle, even a stayed the same would have done. When I saw that extra pound on the scales I cried. Not just a couple of tears. I actually sat on the bathroom floor and wept. It didn’t stop me having a latte at lunch time though. Maybe I’m beyond help.


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