22 September 2010 – when will I stop feeling like a fat girl?

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It’s been quite misty in the mornings all week, autumn is certainly on the way. Last night I got a worrying message from the BL site help team to say the site is closing down. It feels like devastating news because I’ve done so well since I’ve joined and I’m not sure how I will manage without all the help and support from all the other members never mind the food and exercise diaries. They have offered us discounted membership on mother site called Weighlossresources but I’m not sure it will be as good so I’m all in a dither about whether to take it up.

Of course, I slept badly and woke feeling really tired. It was tempting not to do my Wii Fit exercises and just sit reading through all the posts about the site change. From the little I did read the other members are all feeling as shocked and worried as I am. In the end I put the laptop away and started the exercise. Not long after I started I got a phone call from a friend in crisis (her crisis not mine so I’m not going to go into detail) and the exercise went to the wall anyway. Then I was late leaving for work so I had to get the bus part of the way or I’d have been late and bang went fifteen minutes of my morning walk as well as my Wii exercises.

Whatever happens I’m determined not to let this derail me. I’ve come too far to go back now. After our huddle this morning Kim came up and grabbed my arm.
“Look at the size of you,” she said. Just as I was about to get all upset and offended because I thought she was saying how fat I was she continued, “your arms are so skinny now.”
It’s funny how my first thought is that I’m fat. I wonder if I will ever stop seeing the fat girl in the mirror or really think of myself as slim?
Still, it was just the boost I needed to help me resist the Krispy Creme doughnuts Kim brought in.

As if I wasn’t feeling stressed and shell shocked enough already, it seemed as if I was on the shouty customer/really complicated enquiry line today. Then, this afternoon, Panda was taken ill. She was actually sick as she walked away from her desk, right next to me. It felt like the final straw and I almost burst into tears. By the time I got home I felt exhausted and all the good intentions I’d had of making up for my lack of morning exercise went out the window. Does anyone else have days like this or is it just me?

This all sounds a bit moany. It wasn’t meant to. I’m not feeling sorry for myself just a bit annoyed that I’ve missed out on a whole day’s exercise when I should have just worked through it tonight. Sadly motivation was lacking.

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