Toilet troubles in the office
Official Wi Fit weigh in result this morning, three and a half pounds off for the week! I’m back down to my Christmas Day weight which is good but it would have been better if I hadn’t put on eighteen pounds over December and the beginning of January in the first place. There will be no proper celebrating until I’ve got all of it off and, even then, it won’t involve chocolate or cake. I’m not under any illusion that I’ll lose three pounds every week either. Everything I’ve read, and that has been a considerable amount, says the first week is always a big loss because most of it’s water. Come to think of it, I have been peeing a lot, that’s probably the water.
I really enjoyed the walk to work. Well, right up until the moment the big, ugly brown building came into view, then I felt sick at the thought of ten hours stuck inside there. When am I going to win the lottery? The mood in the office hadn’t improved over the weekend. In huddle Ali Rana announced Tom wouldn’t be coming back, he’s handed in his notice.
“If he hadn’t, I’d have sacked him for walking off the floor without permission anyway,” he added, just in case anyone else got the idea in their head. What is it with that man? Why does he think he has to keep flexing his muscles at us?
Now Tom’s gone he’s back to picking on me. Guess I’ve taken over the bottom spot. This morning, as I walked past his desk on my way back from the loo, he snapped, “where have you been?”
“To the toilet,” I replied, feeling a bit embarrassed to tell the truth.
“Can’t you wait until break time? The commitment on this team is terrible.”
I slunk back to my desk wondering what he meant about commitment.
The conversation at lunch was all about Ali Rana and how much everyone hated him.
“Tom had the right idea walking out,” Eloelia tore open a packet of crisps so viciously they sprayed all over the table. “If it didn’t mean not being able to sign on I’d hand my notice in too.”
“You should try being an expert,” Primo said, absentmindedly eating one of Eloelia’s spilled crisps. “Not only am I doing my own work, dealing with all the complicated issues and court cases but he’s got me doing half his work too. He’s supposed to prepare the stats, do the side by sides and write the appraisals but he expects me to do it while he sits there all day looking for things to moan about. I’m so fed up I’m going to talk to Karen about being moved to another team.”
“Don’t leave us with him,” Panda wailed. “Having you on the team’s the only thing that’s keeping me sane at the moment.”
“Hmm, I wouldn’t call you sane,” Primo muttered.
“Did you hear what he said to FG this morning?” Rae asked then proceeded to tell anyone who hadn’t heard all about the toilet incident, much to my shame.
“He didn’t!” Primo said. “That’s harassment.”
“He did,” I admitted.
“But going to the toilet’s already factored into commitment time. Anyhow, your commitment’s always over a hundred percent,” Primo sounded really angry.
“Um, what exactly is commitment time?” I asked, feeling stupid for not knowing as usual.
“Oh FG, you crack me up,” Panda said. “Commitment is the time you’re logged on. It’s supposed to be at least ninety five percent of the hours you work. That means you can be logged off for half an hour a day and still be on target. Even you couldn’t go to the loo that much, besides you’re always stuck on a call at the end of the day which adds to your commitment.”
“No one really takes any notice of commitment time anyway unless someone’s constantly under ninety five percent,” Primo said. “it isn’t part of your quarterly bonus or anything.”
I didn’t even bother asking about quarterly bonus. I’d already made myself look stupid enough for one day.
At about half past seven I needed to go to the loo again. Despite what everyone had said I was hoping Ali Rana wouldn’t notice. I’d actually been trying to hold on until eight but I just couldn’t. Of course, when I came back he spotted me.
“Where have you been now? Every time I look up you’re out of your seat.”
“I’ve been to the toilet,” I said, then remembering the conversation at lunch I added. “Unfortunately, I’m an old lady. I’ve had three children and a hysterectomy. My bladder isn’t what it used to be.”
As I turned on my heel and went back to my desk Ali Rana was blushing but he didn’t say another word.
Panda, who had heard the whole thing, burst into loud laughter and I’m sure I heard Primo sniggering in the corner.
In the lift on the way out of the office Masher said, “well done on standing up to Ali Rana this afternoon FG. Who the hell does he think he is anyway.”
“I bet he’ll think twice before asking you again,” Rae said. “I was bursting with laughter.”
“That really told him,” Panda agreed.