21 February 2009 – disaster and anger

Fuming

The meeting yesterday was a disaster. I read out my presentation and even managed not to cry. As I did, Robert nodded and made encouraging noises which made me think he was actually considering what I had to say. When I’d finished I handed over all the printed out emails but he only glanced at them.

20 February 2009 – bargaining and a meeting

Determined

I have my meeting at Dream Factory this morning. I’ve spent the whole week preparing for it. I’ve written a kind of presentation about all the money I’ve made for the company in the last year. Good job I did all that working from home, they’ve blocked my remote desktop access but I still had all the spreadsheets and my contacts list saved on my lap top. I’ve added all the things I did outside of my normal working hours and what that would have cost them if they’d paid me for it. On top of that I’ve outlined all the extra skills I have and the other positions I could fill within the company plus the idea of being a kind of floating member of staff working wherever I was needed. I’d take a cut in hours, even a big pay cut, if they’d just let me stay.

16 February 2009 – a visitor

Jammies

Alfie turned up on my doorstep this morning.

“I thought you’d been abducted by aliens,” she said, narrowing her eyes and looking me up and down. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” she was probably right. I don’t think I suit the unwashed, no make up and dirty pyjamas look.

15 February 2009 – in denial

Googling

I’ve been on Google most of the day. By law Dream Factory have to give us a thirty day consultation period so that we can argue against being made redundant. So I have until March 7 to change their minds. I’ve wasted a whole week. I need to get my act together. If I can put a good case, maybe I can keep my job. The law says they have to consider alternatives to making me redundant and they have to try to offer me alternative employment.

14 February 2009 – an invitation

Valentines Day

Valentine’s day. Commando took me into town. “Buy yourself something nice,” he said, pressing a fifty pound note into my hand. I looked at it for a moment as if it was foreign money. It might as well have been Dirhams or Drachma. I walked round the West Quay shopping centre like a zombie, staring into shops, still clutching the money in my hand. An hour later Commando found me staring blankly into the window of Next. All I could see we’re colours and textures and people. He took my hand and led me, like a child, to Starbucks, where he sat me in one of the comfy chairs. When he came back he had a tray with mugs of latte and chocolate fudge brownies. His eyes were pleading. I ate a bite of brownie but it stuck somewhere just above the lump in my chest. My legs were tapping. My hands were shaking so much I spilled my latte.

13 February 2009 – at risk

The whole week has been the same except each day I’m in a different room, cleaning. Walking. Trying to shut the thoughts out of my head. If I stopped they came crowding back. All the people I knew. All the agents I dealt with. My team of reps. The itinerary. The stats. At risk. At risk. At risk.

6 February 2009 – The hammer falls

In shock

I had to crunch my way through the snow to get to work again this morning. There had been a fresh fall over night and light powdery flakes were falling as I walked. I watched them melting on my black coat. The early morning sun made the ice crystals glitter. My breath hung in the air in front of me in little white clouds. I had a feeling of dread at what I was walking towards, a tight knot in my gut.

2 February 2009 – a bombshell is dropped

Trudging through the snow

I honestly can’t believe the day I’ve had today. It got off to a bad start because there were no busses. I don’t understand how two inches of snow can bring this country to a halt when places like Canada have several feet and everything runs as normal. I had to trudge through the snow to work. It took almost an hour and a half and I was late. Luckily so was everyone else and I wasn’t the last person to arrive. That was actually Alfie. She rang to say she couldn’t make it in because of the snow but Gigi went ballistic (she lives nearer the office than both of us). She finally turned up at about eleven, looking really hot and bothered and a bit like she was hung over too. I’m not sure what that’s all about, she doesn’t even drink. I think she just saw the opportunity for a crafty day off, she’s been a bit off like that lately, like she doesn’t really want to be at work at all, which is ironic given the rest of the day.